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BotCon 2014 Tornado - Decepticon Saboteur Data Log: Aboard the Tidal Wave
BaCon - Wednesday, March 19, 2014

How did we end up on the Tidal Wave you ask? Its a funny story actually. Well...funny if you can see the humor in being pursued without lawful cause and having to get bailed out by a ship of pirates as funny. Anyway, what was I saying? That's right, how did I end up becoming a Star Seeker? While doing some "research" I found an interested log recorded that day which will certainly provide some useful insights (or maybe some valuable data one day). Here it is.
Star Seeker Saboteur Tornado
Aboard the Tidal Wave
Personal Journal – Date index 284.756.13

As we all know, it’s just my nature to be...curious. Being a saboteur, I like to take things apart; I like to figure things out.

The Captain speaks of this big bounty that he has planned (“The biggest heist yet!”), and that we will be informed about it when the time is right (i.e. when he’s good and ready.) While I normally don’t have any trouble distracting myself with work, this has got me more curious than usual. The Captain, while normally quite pleasant in his own sadistic way, seems almost… giddy.

I’ve been doing a little digging in the ship's computers. Too easily, really. (They're pirates, aren't they? Surely they know about guarding their loot, even if its digital.) A few nanokliks of effort, and I’ve gained access to the Captain’s Log.

Hmm. Disappointing. Some rambling about transwarp that borders on the incoherent – at least for me – but nothing solid about the overall plan. He’s playing it close to the torso plate, as usual. Scrap. Oh well, might as well get something useful out of this. Let's see what he's got to say about the day that Ferak and I joined his crew. It'll be good to know what kind of impressions we made and if the Captain's welcoming smile was actually that...

Captain’s Log

The Fourth Arm of the Rhondarian Cluster, a secluded sector of space without a single spark for millions of parsecs. A nice, quiet place to sit back and count the latest catch.

That is until I look out the main viewport at a lovely view of a teensy vessel being pursued by an Autobot fighter. The teensy one seems to be an escape pod that’s had some… modifications done to it. Warp thrusters, some proton bombs, and even an adorable little fusion cannon have been patch worked all over its plating. The Autobot fighter doesn’t seem to appreciate the workmanship, as it’s making no small effort of blasting this interesting hodgepodge out of the stars.

To his credit, the teensy one is holding his own.

“Captain, a communications link is open between the two vessels.” – Boatswain with some name I don't bother to remember “By all means, let’s listen in. I’m always in the mood for a stimulating conversation.” – Me

“Decepticon Vessel, this is AutoCommand Vanguard ID number two-zero-zero-six, with a warrant for your arrest and incarceration. You are ordered to cease fire, shut down engines, and surrender.” – Autobot Fighter pilot with disgustingly heroic diction

“I'm afraid due to the enhancements to our craft, we no longer live up to Autobot standards for interstellar thoroughfare.

Rather than risk your exposure to our dilapidation, I would actually have to ask you to back the dross off and leave us alone!” – Decepticons from the teensy ship

“Heh. This one’s a charmer. Time to intercept?” – My own glorious wit

“Thirty nanokliks, sir.” – Boatswain whose name I still don't remember

The teensy hodgepodge has turned 180 degrees and is now blasting a path at the Autobot Fighter. They don’t stand a chance in that little thing against a Vanguard Class, but it doesn’t seem to be slowing them down any. I like them already.

“Open a channel.” – My authoritative command

“To which vessel, sir?” – Boatswain maybe named “Wheel Lock”?

“The teensy one. But let the Autobots listen in. This could be interesting.” – My illustrious cunning

“Open, sir.” – Boatswain... not named Wheel Lock because I now remember that Wheel Lock lost his right servo to that hideous Klud beast.

“Teensy hodgepodge vessel that’s about to be blown to scrap; identify yourselves.” – Me again

“What the- We’re the last bots standing from Squadron X, that’s who we are. Who in the Pit are you?” – Decepticons who just became even more interesting

“I’m a bot who can appreciate your ingenuity and tenacity, boys. Tenacity; that’s the word of the day! I can see that you’ve rigged that escape pod into a teensy death machine and you’re facing down against superior firepower in a no-win situation. I may have use for clever, fearless bots such as yourselves.” – Yes these are my words for history to hear

“Systems are failing. If you’re offering assistance, we’d be more than happy to come to an accord.” – Decepticon fish

“All that and common sense, too. Please hold a moment.” – Me as my plan is hatching

“Gunnery Sergeant, please remove that Autobot blight from my viewscreen. It’s making me twitchy.” – Me and my drama

“Yes, sir. Thank you, sir.” – Gunnery Sergeant

The ship’s guns open fire and some beautiful fiery doom is brought down on AutoCommand Vanguard ID number two-zero-zero-whatever. The teensy hodgepodge is tractored into the hold. As I stroll to the cargo bay, I find that I can’t wait to meet these bots. They could be just what my next plan needs. The celestial nymphs are smiling upon us today.

“Captain, we are the survivors of Squadron X. My name is Ferak and this is my partner-” – Ferak

“Call me Tornado. Thanks for purifying the stars of that Autobot filth.” – Tornado

“Don’t be thanking me quite yet, Mr. Nado. You mentioned an arrangement, and that’s just what I have in mind. Seeing as you would have undoubtedly been blown to scrap by that Fighter, I'm going to have to insist you sign the articles. And when you're done, take a look at my little 'shopping list' here and tell me what you could build for me.” – My great scheming mind at work

I gave a data pad to the vertically challenged ‘bot and he and his partner hunched over it mumbling amongst themselves. After a moment, I can’t help but be reassured as they’re grinning at one another like hungry Sharkticons.

“No problem. We can build everything on this list. Might even be able to add a surprise or two. And we know just where to procure the parts. It’s not far from here. But, who are you, anyway? It would be nice to know who we’re working for.” – Tornado

“An excellent question! Now’s the time to get excited! Look around boys... Your optics are taking in the raiders of Regulon IV's espirion fields. Despoilers of the Practus-Pontis pipeline. Hijackers of His Highness Rajalpearl’s starliner, the Catagorial Wealth. Pillagers of the Grand Victorist's Forever Vaults. That’s right. None other than the legendary… Star Seekers! This is our ship, the Tidal Wave. Scourge of the Seven Systems. I am Captain Cannonball.” – As though I need introduction

“Macabre tried a direct assault on the Forever Vaults and failed. Your success is... Impressive.”– Ferak.

“Indeed! And this next endeavor will be our biggest heist yet! The stuff of legend! Target any who dare get in our way!

After all… No prey, no pay.” – My beaming, contagious confidence

Well. He's certainly full of himself. Though I am glad to see that my assessment of his character was fairly spot on – although he granted us salvation and passage, it was all just a rouse to use our skills. I should be bothered by that, but somehow I'm not. The Captain's current aspirations and ours appear to overlap and that's good enough for me right now.

End Log.

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